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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Rain, electricity, ding-a-ling

Okay, this might get weird, but here goes. The other night I was biking to a friend's house, wearing full rain-gear.


Even with all this gear on I was getting pretty soaked:


After arriving at the front of my friend's building, I got off my bike, leaned it up against the wall, and then things got crazy. You know when something happens to you that hasn't ever happened before, and it doesn't necessarily hurt, but it freaks you out because you've never felt it before? Well, that was exactly what was about to happen to me, except with the added freak-out factor of it happening to my penis. I'm still not sure what happened, but my penis felt really crazy, kind of like it was being electrocuted.


I immediately shoved my hand down my pants, pushing my clothes away from my private parts, and everything returned to normal. I figured the electricity must be coming from my cel phone or mp3 player, so I put those on the ground. After this I figured everything would be okay, which was convenient since a couple was approaching the building and would soon wonder why I had my hand down my pants. So, I removed my hand from my pants, and my wiener was electrocuted again. Approaching strangers or no, I put my hand back down my pants, and everything was okay again, no electrocution feeling. I repeated the hand-in-pants, hand-out-of-pants, electrocution, hand-in-pants routine maybe three more times, and finally it stopped happening...just in time for the strangers to let me into their building, apparently having not seen any of my scared expressions or hand-in-pants maneuvers.

I have to end this in an unsatisfying way, as I am still not sure what happened. My guess is that even after I removed all electrical devices, my pants were somehow able to act as a battery and electrocute my ding-dong whenever it came close to the zipper of my jeans. Either that, or I have some sort of rare disease on my schling-schlong and this post is even more awkward. I don't know enough about electricity or medical disorders to be very confident about either assessment.

What do you think happened????

Other things you might find helpful:
I was wearing rubber boots, standing on concrete, not touching my bike or anything aside from the concrete. I was wearing boxers with no button on the fly. It was around 45 degrees Fahrenheit outside. Nothing unusual was observed in my phone or mp3 player when I removed them. My cel phone was turned on the entire time, though the event in question occurred shortly after I had turned off my mp3 player. To my knowledge my ding-a-ling has no medical disorders.

8 comments:

  1. I believe they refer to this in sex-ed as "getting a boner"

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  2. what about static electicity building up since your were moving your legs bicycle style and causing friction in your middle area. THEN the zipper acted as conductor? and since electricity moves through water and metal faster (is this true or is this something i think i know but is unfounded) the fact that you were all rainy made the possibility of this type of thing not happening to being possible and definitely happening? and after a few jolts it finally ended cause it stopped being staticy or whatever. like walking across carpet then touching someone's fuzzy sweater, but in this case your dong.

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  3. Yeah, I think that is a totally reasonable guess as to what happened. And yeah, regardless of how the electricity got there, it would be conducted to my dong more quickly through the zipper than through the fabric of my jeans. Metals are great conductors.

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  4. dang Lee I hope you can get through airport security with that.

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  5. I'm going to take a different approach to explaining this. Perhaps your johnson fell asleep while you were riding your bike, much the same way a hand or foot can fall asleep when you are positioned in a way that limits bloodflow. You only noticed it when you got off the bike, bloodflow returned to normal, and your hang down was in contact with your pants. I'm not sure, but maybe you could mistake that sensation for a sustained electric shock.

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  6. I like it. Thank you for your hypothesis. Unless this happens again it may be a mystery for the ages.

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  7. i definitely concur with anonymous' circulatory hypothesis, because i too have experienced this. certainly bike seats -- but even ordinary seats -- can press on the prostate area to a sufficient degree to cause it to fall asleep. the slightest tactile stimulus feels like an electric shock to a reawakening body part.

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  8. It was probably swampgas

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